Some Things You Can Say to Help Your Child
I believe you.
I know it’s not your fault.
I’m glad I know about it.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
I will take care of you - you don’t need to take care of me.
I’m not sure what will happen next.
Nothing about you made this happen.
I am upset, but not with you.
I’m angry at the person who did this.
I’m sad. You may see me cry. That’s all right. I’m not mad at you.
I don’t know why he did it. He has a problem.
We need to get help, so this doesn’t happen again.
I know this isn’t easy for you to talk about, but there are some people who need to know what happened so they can help keep you and other children safe.
Some Things You Can Do to Help Your Child
Report the abuse to law enforcement right away. Promises by the offender that it won’t happen again will not keep a child safe.
Never blame your child for what happened to him/her.
Keep your child away from the person suspected of the abuse.
Ensure that the offender does not telephone the home where the child resides at any time when the child victim might answer the phone.
Avoid all contact with the alleged perpetrator while the investigation is ongoing.
Remember to communicate support for your child for having told about the abuse. Use statements like, “You were very brave to tell about what happened. I’m proud of you.”
Communicate your support to your child often, even if you are struggling with your own doubts.
Take care not to agonize over living arrangements or money problems when around your child. Your feelings of fear, panic, or worry often cause additional stress for your child. They may feel like they need to take care of you.
Be careful not to question your child about the abuse. Repeated questioning by untrained professionals will only serve to compromise the investigation. If your child chooses to talk about what happened, listen supportively, but do not probe or ask any questions that may be considered leading or suggestive. This is very important.
Don’t discuss the case, the offender’s bond, or jail arrangement within hearing distance of your child.
Don’t communicate anger toward your child as you arrange for the various appointments such as the interview, medical exam, and therapy sessions. Your child may believe you are “put out” with having to do this and may feel like a burden.
Discuss with your child and other professionals what to tell relatives, teachers or friends about the abuse. Every detail does not need to be shared.
Never coach or advise your child on how to act or what to say to the professionals on the team. This may be seen as interfering in the case or not being cooperative with the system.
Never use threats or intimidation to help make sure that the child is telling the truth.
Don’t pretend, in an effort to return your child to normal life, that nothing has happened to your child. This can communicate the wrong message.
See that your child receives counseling as soon as possible. Trying to sweep the problem under the rug usually causes more problems because it doesn’t just go away.
Find help for yourself. You don’t have to do it all yourself. Contact the advocate at the Center for assistance.
Do not leave your child with a relative or friend who either doesn’t know or doesn’t believe the report of abuse, especially in a place where the offender might stop by and visit or call.
If the offender breaks any supervision or protection rules, notify the investigating officer and caseworker as soon as possible. If you fail to do this you may be encouraging the court to see you as an unprotective parent and you may run the risk of losing custody of your child. This is especially true if you allow contact between the offender and child.
Your child may need an extra sense of physical security. Stay close, and assure your child you will keep him/her safe.
Remember to give attention to your other children.
